Cycling the Tour de France has been likened to running 20 marathons in 20 days. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t run one marathon in 20 days.

Yet there I was, under the blistering sun of Provence, slowly pedaling my way up one of the most dreaded, soul-crushing climbs of last year’s Tour: Mont Ventoux. What lured me to that beast of a hill was a longing to do more than just watch the Tour de France. I wanted to experience the Tour de France. I yearned to ride the very roads that, just hours later, would be chewed up by Lance Armstrong, Laurent Jalabert and Joseba Beloki. I wanted to white-knuckle it down the same hairpin turns, and be cheered on by the giddy spectators who’d camped out for days, waiting for that colorful tsunami of Spandex to speed by. Basically, I hungered for a taste of what the world’s most grueling sporting event really felt like.

That’s what landed me, my husband and 13 others on a Tour de France cycling trip with Backroads, an adventure travel company. The plan was to follow the last third of the three-week race as the riders whizzed their way past the lavender fields of Provence, up the mythical Alps and down the cobblestoned Champs-Elysées in Paris. Along the way, we’d stay in four-star hotels, consume obscene amounts of French fare and work off those calories by cycling 40 to 60 miles a day (except during the trip’s three rest days). We’d get to bike some of the most memorable segments of Tour de France routes. We’d also tackle short sections of last year’s course, a torturous 2,032-mile journey.

“How hard can this be?� I naively wondered as I sat on my couch, lazily thumbing through a Backroads catalog. “It’s not like we’re doing the whole Tour. Just part of it.�

But that “part� happened to be the part with the mountains. Big, colossal, mammoth mountains.

Even so, I saw this as a once-in-a-lifetime experience. If the prognosticators were right, I’d be witnessing Lance Armstrong pedal his way into the history books, becoming the first American ever to win six Tours. I’d be right there, literally, on Armstrong’s road to victory. Mountains, shmountains, I reassured myself. I’m 34 years old; I take spinning classes. I’ll be just as good as anyone else on the Backroads trip.

I knew I miscalculated that last part as soon as I got a glimpse of the other Backroads travelers. Most of the men’s legs were shaved closer than mine. This meant there was either a disproportionate number of transvestites on the trip, or these were some serious cyclists. It turned out to be the latter, which meant my husband and I were destined to play the role of lanterne rouge, the red lantern that hangs from the back of a train. It’s Tour-speak for “the slowpokes.�

But unlike the Tour, this was a vacation, not a competition. At least that’s what I kept telling myself as I crawled up Mont Ventoux, which I think is French for “makes you curl up in a ball and cry for Mommy.� The 6,273-foot mountain juts out of the Provençal landscape like a giant tumor; and this tumor is anything but benign. Comedian and cycling aficionado Robin Williams summed it up this way: “Even the mountain goats don’t like it.�

Ventoux is a relentlessly steep 13-mile climb to the barren, lunar-like summit, where exhausted British cyclist Tom Simpson keeled over and died during the 1967 Tour. As I started to wonder if the same fate might await me, a burly Frenchman with a moustache as big as my handlebars decided I needed a little pep talk.

“Allez! Allez!� he repeatedly shouted in my ear as I crept up the mountain in granny gear. My French friend was telling me to “Go! Go!� which was what I wished he would do, since sweat was stinging my eyes, my legs felt like the beleaguered stage during “Riverdance� and the last thing I wanted was a hairy cheerleader.

But his words pushed me on, if only to put a little more distance between me and his Burgundy-infused breath.

I’d hear the “Allez! Allez!� refrain countless more times from the throngs of onlookers who’d staked out their spot on the mountain, waiting for the Tour to wheel by in a few hours. Folks like me were merely the warm-up act.

We all know the French are very good at some things (food) and not so good at others (war). But they’re extremely adept at the high art of tailgating. When they weren’t rooting on amateur cyclists like me, they killed time by sipping wine, nibbling on brie and baguettes, playing cards and painting riders’ names on the street.

At my heady speed of 4 mph, I had ample time to witness all of these pre-race festivities. It became clear that, to the French, the Tour is much more than a sporting event. It, like Jerry Lewis, is a cultural phenomenon. Unlike Jerry, it’s easy to understand the Tour’s appeal. This is a race packed with more drama than a Jerry Springer show, and with at least as much potential for bloodshed. Catastrophic crashes. Drug raids. Cheating. Smack talking. Not to mention jaw-dropping displays of athleticism. It’s hard to imagine just how much pain these guys put themselves through until you’ve sampled some of it firsthand.

Mont Ventoux is a kick-in-the-teeth climb, even when you’re cycling it with fresh legs like we were. But the Tour racers had logged 120 miles that day before broaching the base of Ventoux. And they still managed to go up it faster than I went down it. How’s that for an ego-deflater?

It truly is a humbling experience to watch more than 150 Tour riders sail up the very road you just cycled. They make it look so easy. But your burning quads and aching back remind you that it’s not.

I thought cycling Ventoux would leave me too exhausted to cheer on the racers. But one glimpse of that Texan wearing the coveted yellow leader’s jersey had the effect of a dozen espressos. There he was. Lance Armstrong — cancer survivor, cyclist extraordinaire — about an arm’s length away from me, plowing up the very mountain that made my legs feel like overcooked fettuccine. Despite being chased by a pack of cyclists who wanted nothing more than to strip that golden jersey off his back and feed it to him in tiny pieces, he looked more serene than I do in a bubble bath.

Other racers gulped oxygen like frat boys chug beer. But Armstrong seemed to be barely breathing while he pumped his pedals like pistons. I knew I was watching an über-athlete in action. I had a front row seat at the Tour de Lance, and I’d earned it. At the top of my overworked lungs, I shouted the words I’d once heard from a wise, mustachioed Frenchman: “Allez! Allez!�

In the culinary world, three is also a magical number. Here’s where the harmonic convergence of flavors, textures and aromas can feed off one and other. Three wisely chosen ingredients can create taste sensations that truly are greater than the sum of their parts, yet less involved, less expensive and less time-consuming than infinitely more complicated dishes. And the best news is that with fewer ingredients and fewer steps, you’ll have more time for your love triangle. Now if that genie would just respond to your text messages.

Here is a succulent, sensuous, trilogy of foolproof three-ingredient recipes.

Cocktail Dates
(yields 12 bites)

In their unadorned state, Medjool dates are nicknamed “nature’s candy�. Stuff these babies with the nuttiness of Parmigiano-Reggiano, wrap them in the smoky saltiness of bacon, and bake them, and they will turn into molten balls of decadence that will explode in your mouth and blow your mind.

12 large dried Medjool dates
6 slices bacon, cut in half
4 oz. chunk Italian Parmigiano-Reggiano

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit

Slice date from top to bottom as deep as the pit. Pry open date and remove pit. Reserve dates.

Using your sharpest knife, cut Parmigiano-Reggiano into pieces that are just slightly larger than the pit you have just removed. Place cheese where the pit was and pinch the date around the cheese to seal.

Wrap each Parmigiano-stuffed date with a slice of bacon. Set dates on a baking sheet, seam-side down, and skewer with a toothpick to hold bacon in place.

Bake for approximately 20 minutes, or until bacon is crispy. Caution: Let cool for a few minutes before serving.

Maple Salmon Suckers
(yields 12 suckers)

This savory sucker comes with the Surreal Gourmet’s money back guarantee. If you are not completely satisfied, we’ll refund the purchase price and transfer an undisclosed sum from the estranged wife of a deported Nigerian business tycoon directly into your bank account. Simply forward us your banking details.

1 1/2 lbs. salmon fillet, preferably wild (select thickest fillet available)
3/4 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup soy sauce
2 T coarsely grated black pepper (I consider pepper a condiment rather than an ingredient. If you disagree, feel free to contact my attorney)

Slice salmon into 1/4-inch-thick strips.

Place salmon slices in a resealable plastic bag along with syrup and soy. Force out the air and seal. Marinate in the refrigerator for a minimum of 4 hours, but ideally for 24 hours.

At the same time, soak 12 bamboo skewers in water (resealable plastic bags work well for this task too).

Preheat grill or broiler to high heat.

Remove salmon from marinade and skewer from the wide end.

Place pepper on a small plate and dip one edge of the salmon in it.

Grill salmon on a well-oiled BBQ grate over direct heat, or directly under a broiler for 1 minute per side, or until just cooked throughout, yet still moist. Serve immediately, or suffer the consequence of the fish drying out.

Bee Stings
(yields 12 bites)

The pigs, cows, and bees have done all the heavy lifting, making this the least amount of effort you will ever have to expend for the greatest amount of accolades.

1/4 cup best-available honey
1/2 T white truffle oil
6 oz. block Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese

In a small bowl, combine honey, truffle oil, and pepper. Reserve.

Just before serving, use a paring knife to chisel cheese into irregular 1/2-inch nuggets. Drizzle truffled honey over each nugget. For added savoryness, finish with freshly ground black pepper

(To get the most Parmigiano-Reggiano for your buck, look for rindless center cuts. For the freshest Parmigiano-Reggiano, purchase from stores that move a lot of it.)

It really sucks to be tonic water

Once a bartending necessity that reigned supreme in soda guns the world over, tonic water - and her friends club soda, Coke and 7Up - is fizzling in today’s hipster scene. What’s bubbled to the forefront? Energy drinks, which in a few short years have gone from mini-mart obscurity to VIP status behind the bars of even the hottest, Paris-Hilton-worthy nightclubs and restaurants.

As anyone who’s chugged Gatorade or Lucozade knows, energy drinks are nothing new. They’ve been around since the 1930s, are sold throughout the world and have traditionally enjoyed especially strong popularity in the Far East. (Think Pocari Sweat. Yum.) In their early incarnations, energy drinks were meant to quickly rehydrate the body and to provide energy through carbohydrates in the form of sugar. They were the savior of many exhausted athletes, lethargic kids with the flu and pathetically hungover frat boys.

In the mid-’80s, an Austrian businessman looking to cash in on the energy drink craze in Asia took the concept and gave it a decidedly modern twist. The result was Red Bull, a unique-tasting drink spiked with caffeine and the amino acid taurine, which pumps up the heart rate.

Red Bull’s slick silver mini cans, clever ad campaign and energy-boosting properties made it an instant hit among club-goers and those looking for a quick boost from something other than espresso (or a powdery South American import that might invite a sentence of five to 10). By the late ‘90s, Red Bull was available worldwide, had taken up sponsorship of popular new extreme sporting events and was well on its way to becoming a pop culture icon.

Since then, the energy drink market has exploded. New entrants include Rockstar (which contains liver-rejuvenating milk thistle), Monster, Socko, Full Throttle, Hype, Bomba (which comes in four flavors), Roaring Lion, Go Fast, Atomic X and Boo Koo. (The entertainment value alone - “I’ll have an Effen Boo Koo� - keeps us enthralled.)

Everyone from traditional soft drink marketers to celebs are getting in on the energy drink craze, scrambling to create new concoctions with fresh hype. Rap star Nelly is hoping to grab a piece of the market with his bright green, sweet sour-apple brew PimpJuice, which contains taurine, guarana and multi-vitamins. (No word on whether the nutrient properties of the drink will finally heal the boo-boo that lurks beneath his omnipresent Band-Aid. Or what test group approved of the name PimpJuice.)

Though all energy drinks are unique, they share in common some form of caffeine and sugar as key ingredients. Guarana, a natural source of caffeine, replaces the straight chemical in some brands. What gives energy drinks their rocket boost is the amount of caffeine and sugar they include: studies show energy drinks pack four times the amount of caffeine as soda and as many as 13 teaspoons of sugar in a single bottle.

Energy drinks also get an extra kick from ingredients such as ginseng and vitamins B12, B6, riboflavin and niacin. The most popular addition (and the one that put Red Bull on the energy drink map) is taurine, one of the most abundant amino acids in the body. It functions as a metabolic transmitter, has detoxifying properties and has been shown in studies to be beneficial to cardiovascular functioning. Mix these peace-and-love herbs and vitamins with some cutting-edge nutritional research, and the old standbys caffeine and sugar, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for a go-the-distance, 21st century good time.

Not long after these space age potions hit the shelves, smart consumers realized if energy drinks could keep them going as they burned the midnight oil or blasted through a road trip, they could put a whole new spin on a night of partying. Thus was born Red Bull-vodka. In the late ‘90s, European drinkers started a new trend in cocktails by marrying the recently released Red Bull with vodka, creating a mix packing a potent alcohol punch and a lift of herbs and caffeine, and enabling drinkers to get maximum pleasure out of a hard-earned weekend night of raving or pub crawling.

As more energy drinks were born, more cocktails were created. Bars around the world now stock energy drinks as mixing basics and look for innovative blends to create their own signature cocktails. While most drinkers still prefer flavored vodkas such as Stoli Citros or Skyy Melon to add intrigue to their energy drinks, more innovative experiments are being undertaken every day: how about an energy drink/Jagermeister mix? Perhaps a little Johnny Walker Black? (Any carpet fluff you might ingest later will simply add to the...mouthfeel.)

If mixing isn’t your thing, consider an energy/alcoholic drink that comes straight from the bottle. Zygo is a peach-flavored vodka blended with so-called “functional ingredients� taurine, D-ribose, guarana and yerba mate. Known as the “morning vodka� with a 35 percent alcohol content, it hits the spot with partiers still pounding the dance floor at dawn. Sparks, a sickly sweet, citrusy concoction with taurine, caffeine, guarana, Siberian ginseng and a 6 percent kick of alcohol, is becoming a popular party alternative, as are MoonShot, a (believe it or not) lightly carbonated, caffeinated beer, and XXL Orange, which packs 8.9 percent vodka, orange juice and caffeine into a curvy plastic bottle. (Frankly, that sounds to us like what a pimp would really be juicing.)

In a culture that’s dancing as fast as it can, it seems energy drink cocktails are the perfect libation for the new millennium. And who knows, tonic and club soda might even make a comeback - thanks to the recently released Hi-Ball Modern Mixers line, which offers classic mixers enhanced by B-vitamins, caffeine, taurine, guarana and ginseng. So grab a can of liquid energy, throw in the spirit of your choice and start channeling Don “The Magic� Juan. And remember, it takes seven to make a stable.

Energy Drink Cocktail Recipes

Deep Sea Battery

200 ml. Battery Energy Drink
3/4 oz. blue Curacao
3/4 oz. vodka (currant)

Shake vodka and Curacao with ice and strain into an ice-filled highball glass. Top with Battery Energy Drink.

Extreme Cherry Bomb

1.5 oz. Players Extreme Cherry Infused Vodka
200 ml. Red Bull Energy Drink

Serve on the rocks in a highball glass. Garnish with a cherry.

Bob Dylan Recipe

12 oz. Surge Energy Drink
4 oz. Jagermeister
16 oz. ice

Combine all ingredients in a blender and mix until smooth.

Hype Shambles

Hype Energy Drink
1 1/2 oz. vodka
1 1/2 oz. Champagne/sparkling wine

Combine all ingredients and serve chilled.

Bomba Cosmo

Black Magic Bomba Energy Drink
1 1/3 oz. vodka
2/3 oz. triple sec
2/3 oz. lime juice

Shake vodka, triple sec and lime juice together. Pour into chilled martini glass. Top with Black Magic Bomba Energy Drink.

Warning: Consume energy drink cocktails in moderation. Caffeine is a primary ingredient in energy drinks and can, when combined with the dehydrating effects of alcohol, lead to feelings of dizziness and faintness. In some cases, sensitivity to caffeine can also raise blood pressure and trigger potentially deadly heart reactions. Drink responsibly.

Never play cards with any man named 'Doc.' Never eat at any place called 'Mom's.' And never, ever, no matter what else you do in your life, sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own. -- Nelson Algren

Without man's innate urge to take risks, we'd all still be sitting around drawing on cave walls, grunting and belching. Fortunately, our daring ancestors ventured forth into the dangerous world and created civilization. Which means today we can take our risks in small doses, like sitting around a dining table playing poker... and grunting and belching.

If you haven't smugly riffled a newly won stack of poker chips in a smoke-filled room surrounded by smelly guys swilling beer and cursing, then you haven't lived. You can leave the martinis, Baccarat and double-breasted dinner jackets to James Bond and his crumbled-British-Empire ilk. If you're an American man, playing poker's part of your heritage.

Our nation was founded on the idea of taking chances. This country was built by a bunch of rowdy guys who liked drinking and taking risks, and didn't like being told what to do. This is precisely why poker -- that most American of card games -- couldn't have been invented anywhere else. The father of our country, George Washington, who also happened to brew his own beer, was known to host card games in his tent during the Revolutionary War -- a war in which, it's important to remember, our opponent held the far better cards. Against all odds, those stalwart colonial souls managed to back up their bluff and rake in the rich pot that included freedom, democracy, self-determination and the deed to several hundred thousand acres of prime real estate. Some years later (in the mid-1800s), poker as we know it today was invented in the American West. So, if our founding fathers hadn't played and won, we'd be as lacking in cultural identity as our floundering Canadian cohorts up north, eh? (Note to Canadians: Please address your letters to the editor, RE: Canadian Cultural Identity Crisis.)

It's estimated some 60 million Americans play poker regularly. Some play for their love of gambling, some for their love of money, some to escape the humdrum routine of their lives, and some just for their fondness for camaraderie. Whether you win or lose, whether you know when to hold 'em or know when to fold 'em, gathering around a table with a group of pals, a deck of cards, stacks of colored chips, and some eats and drinks is one of the hallowed traditions of the American male.

The human instinct to gamble with fate is probably as old as...well, human instinct. The Ancient Greeks believed the lofty Gods of Mount Olympus threw dice to divide up the world. (Crude dice have been found in most ancient civilizations.) Roman soldiers cast lots for Jesus' robes. Julius Caesar conquered Gaul to pay off gambling debts. It's a fair bet that amoebas floundering in the early primordial soup wagered on who'd be the first to make it out of the bog.

Poker differs greatly from the games of pure chance in casinos. Gamblers, whether they bet on the roll of the dice or the spin of a roulette wheel, are generally betting against the odds. Smart gamblers know this, but it hasn't stopped gaming from becoming one of the most successful business enterprises. Skillful poker players use their knowledge to wager only on favorable odds. Gamblers are romantics looking forward to what might happen.

Accomplished poker players are realists betting on what should happen. Of course in poker, as in most endeavors, what should happen isn't always what does happen.

Fortunately in poker, as in life, you don't have to be good at it to like it. (Though I'm sure those who are absolutely no good are welcome and regular guests at many a poker table.) You just have to enjoy yourself.

>> There are no Miranda Rights in poker; anything you say and do can and will be used against you.

Being a good poker player requires something few people do in today's short-attention-span society: paying close attention to everything. Because poker's as much about people as it is about cards, and how we live influences how we play. There are those who play and live cold and conservative, striving to avoid risk, and those who play and live brash and full of bluster. There are players in the games of life and poker who'll never bet unless the odds are actually in their favor. If you can't spot the sheep waiting to be sheared at the table by the time you've quaffed your first beer, there's a good chance it's you. But in a friendly game always remember that you can shear a sheep many times, but you can only skin him once.

You don't have to have the best cards to win, either. You just have to play the best. And every hand is different, depending on what you choose to do with it.

If you enjoy bluffing your way through life -- and getting away with it -- then you probably get a major adrenaline rush by stealing a healthy pot knowing your opponents have you beat. The bluffing element of poker sets it apart from almost all other games and pursuits. You can't pretend to have the best hand and win in bridge or blackjack. You can't pretend you're a great mountain climber and conquer Kilimanjaro any more than you can bluff your way through the Iron Man Triathlon. So many human endeavors are cut and dried; if you say you're the best, there's only one way to prove it. This is the very beauty of poker. After all, isn't this what we all want?

In every deck of 52 cards there are 2,598,960 possible five-card poker hands. The bad news is that you're only going to be dealt one of them. The better news is that there's always the chance, the possibility, that you can transform whatever cards you hold into the winning hand.

That's why poker's never dull. The game has thousands of variants, and all it requires is your group of buddies, a deck of cards and some chips. It's always better if you switch the venue and the responsibility for providing the eats and drinks. And you can bring as much, or as little, flair to your poker night as you like.

If you're like me, you started with Budweiser, smelly Swisher Sweets and nickel-dime-quarter games. Over the years my friends and I have graduated to imports in both our beer and cigar preferences, and the same red, white and blue chips have grown to represent much larger sums. It's not fun without the risk of losing a bit more than you should, and you can't win if you don't play.

If you're really a gambler (this most superstitious of species) you'll of course have a good-luck token of some type, whether it's the old Dunes $5 chip you didn't cash in before the implosion, your tattered boxers emblazoned with the Queen of Hearts, the filthy Cubs cap you bought at Wrigley the year they were going to go all the way (but didn't -- again) or maybe even a silk smoking jacket. Poker is more psychology than sophistication. Studies have shown there's a real psychological boost from believing in a good-luck piece and that gamblers actually get an adrenaline surge as if they were in a fight-or-flight situation. Jonny Chan, former World Series of Poker champion, was always known to place an orange beside him when he played, though he never ate it. Stories abound about how many people have offered him absurd amounts of money for his orange, which he never sells. Having others believe in your good-luck charm never hurts.

Whether you carry an edible good-luck piece or not, poker night requires sustenance. You need fuel to keep you going during the hours you're spending trying to outwit your opponents. The history of eating and playing cards goes back even further than the Earl of Sandwich, who actually invented the snack that bears his name as a way to eat without getting his hands greasy and without missing a moment at the card table.

While it's not as exciting if there's no money involved, your game should never be too serious. You can play to win money or to have fun, but doing both is the best. Dealer's choice allows the deal to rotate around the table, with each person given a chance to deal whatever game he chooses. In the old days they used to place a silver dollar, one buck, in front of the person whose turn it was to deal. This ultimately became a cliche when President Truman, an avid poker player, declared: "The Buck Stops Here."

When we play poker, the games run the gamut from the classic 5-Card Draw of the Old West to 7-Card Stud, 7-Card No-Peeky, Baseball, Black Mariah, Chicago, 2-22, Guts, Lo-Ball, Omaha, Acey-Deucy, 3-Card Monte and several of our own twisted variants. It's good to have a healthy and eclectic mix of games, some where skill plays out along with some of the whimsical games of pure dumb luck that the poor players and drunks always enjoy and often win.

Each pack of cards holds within it the possibility of millions of different outcomes every single time we deal. In life and poker we can't all be winners, but we certainly can't win if we're not in the big game. And not knowing what'll happen, well, that's the real beauty of this poker game called life anyway, isn't it? That's exactly why life is such a big deal, after all. Anything might happen.

Trendy as these specialty vodkas may seem, spice- and herb-infused vodkas have been sating drinkers since the spirit first cracked the ice on frozen Russian and Polish faces several hundred years ago. Back then, flavoring wasn't intended for variety. It was necessary to take the edge off the primitive mash, the intense, harsh taste of which could make even the swarthiest drinker breathe fire.

Later, the ability to craft flavored concoctions became the mark of a skillful distiller. Among those who elevated the practice to an art were the Russians and Poles, who've long marketed dozens of flavored vodkas. Among the most unusual brands in Russia are Okhotnichya or "Hunter's" vodka (flavored with a mix of ginger, cloves, lemon peel, coffee, anise and other herbs and spices, then blended with sugar and a touch of a wine similar to white port) and Zubrovka (vodka flavored with bison grass, an aromatic grass which is the cud of choice for herds of the rare European bison).

Flavored vodkas were slow to reach the mass U.S. market, however. Americans first became hooked on "the white spirit" after World War II, lured by the convenient fact that it had "no taste and no smell" (and could therefore be consumed on the sly). And for decades the classic vodka martini or vodka-tonic suited drinkers just fine. It wasn't until the cocktail craze of the late 90s that the current frenzy for vodka variety took off. Luckily, there are plenty of quality distillers out there to satisfy demand.

Among the first to tempt our palates with readily available flavored vodkas were Absolut and Stolichnaya. Absolut entered this niche market in 1986 with its Peppar, an aromatic, complex and spicy vodka that gets its kick from the spicy components in the capsicum pepper family and from fresh green jalapeño pepper. They later added Absolut Citron, Kurant and Mandarin. The newest twist to the Absolut line? Absolut Vanilia, which has a rich, robust and complex taste of vanilla, with notes of butterscotch and hints of dark chocolate. Its scheduled release is this spring.

Stoli was also an early marketer of laced libations, luring many drinkers to the pleasures of flavored vodkas with its Vodka Razberi (made with ripe raspberries), Vodka Vanilla (with the pure essence of Madagascan and Indonesian vanilla beans) and Vodka Zinamon (infused with the zip of cinnamon).

The success of the Absolut and Stoli creations gave rise to a new generation of cocktail concoctions and inspired other distillers to create fresh and unexpected varieties. Among those most likely to turn up at your local watering hole are the infusions of Charbay, which uses fresh fruit to create blood orange, ruby red grapefruit and key lime vodkas; Burnett's, which offers sour apple (great in an Appletini), coconut, raspberry, orange, citrus and vanilla; the artistically designed Vincent Van Gogh Vodkas, whose varieties include Chocolate, Oranje, Vanilla, Raspberry, Wild Appel and Citroen; and OP, a 70- proof Swedish vodka flavored with ginger, orange and peach, and spiced with anise, fennel and caraway.

A newcomer to the flavored vodka scene is Hangar One, a small, quality distiller that uses real fruit and "rare and expensive" ingredients to produce its Buddha's Hand Citron, Kaffir Lime and Mandarin Blossom vodkas. Luscious straight up, these fruit-laced spirits can also be the inspiration for cocktails to die for.

Should a Cosmo with Burnett's Blood Orange Vodka or a Sunflower Martini with Vincent Van Gogh's Raspberry seem too traditional, frighten your drinking companions by ordering up a shot of Blavod, a smooth-tasting vodka colored black by the catcchu herb. While it looks like The Dark Prince's drink of choice, Blavod is surprisingly refreshing in a Black Bull (ice, Red Bull and Blavod) or a Sundance (ice, blue curacoa, soda water and Blavod).

Another far-out blend is Feigling, a fig-infused vodka that comes in a little bottle from Germany. Served straight or with a little tonic and a twist, Feigling is a unique taste and sure to throw a little variety into your drinking repertoire.

If you’re lucky enough to find them, don't pass up a chance to try the Polish Wisent, flavored with a species of bison grass that grows only in the Bialowieska Forest (acknowledged to be the last primeval forest left in Europe), or the Ukrainian Soomska Horobynova (flavored with ashberry) and Soomska Horilka Pryhodko (flavored with St. John's Wort, Buffalo Grass, coriander and lemon).

So your local bar thinks Absolut Kurant is the cutting-edge of flavors? You can still experiment with new ventures in vodka. Roll up your sleeves and concoct your own unique libations. Begin with a quality vodka. While "quality" is in the taste buds of the drinker, general wisdom holds that you’ll get better results and suffer fewer day-after side effects if you stick to a bottle in the $20-and-up range. Purchase anything under seven bucks to use in your infusion and you'll waste culinary effort as well as brain cells.

Recipe for Infusion

The process by which vodkas are flavored is called infusion. This is a fancy word for mixing stuff with vodka and letting it soak. Unless otherwise directed by a recipe, infuse your vodkas at room temperature. Freezing the flavored vodkas after infusion, however, will ensure the best taste.

The easiest way to flavor vodka is with fresh fruit, which both soaks up and flavors the spirit. Just mix vodka in equal portions with ripe, washed and coarsely chopped fruit (peaches, pineapples or strawberries are common favorites). Place the mixture in a glass canning jar, and let the concoction sit for several days. Strain before serving, or leave in a few fruit chunks for munching. This method will work with any fruit, including fresh and sun-dried tomatoes as well as chili peppers. In short, if you can dream it and drink it, you can infuse it.

If you want to venture beyond fruit, give these traditional and not-so-traditional infusion recipes a try. Vodka lovers will find these concoctions delectable on their own (plain or with a garnish), but they can also be used to breathe new life into a favorite old cocktail.

Recipes

(Note: For all recipes use 1 pint of plain vodka and infuse at room temperature for 24 hours. Then strain.)

Anise Vodka: Licorice-laced vodka was a favorite of Peter the Great, so it's got to be good enough for us. Soak 2 t whole anise seed. Serve chilled.

Apricot Vodka: Infuse 12 apricot kernels. Serve chilled.

Cherry Vodka: Crush 36 cherry pits (or thereabouts).

Coriander Vodka: Use 2 t coriander seed, slightly crushed.

Garlic-and-Dill Vodka: Infuse 1 clove garlic, slightly crushed, 1 sprig fresh dill and 3 white peppercorns. Leave a little dill in the vodka, if you're so inclined.

Herb Vodka: Infuse a few sprigs of a favorite herb, such as tarragon or basil. Leave a small bit of herb in the vodka, if you choose.

Saffron Vodka: Use 1/4 t saffron threads.

Tea Vodka: Infuse 4 t black tea leaves (fruit-scented is a nice touch).

Buffalo Grass Vodka/Zubrovka: Use 8 blades of buffalo grass. One blade of grass may be left in the vodka after straining for a little woodland feel.

So next time you order a cocktail, check out the new flavors lining up behind the bar. Flavored vodkas may just be a trend, but they're bound to snare some converts. Bison grass and anise seed aside, 145 million vodka-loving Russians can't be wrong.

Take your time, think a lot, pour yourself a glass and enjoy a dose of slow food cooking by our very own superchef Toby Puttock.

"Slow food to me is the whole deal; a morning's work just to eat lunch, shopping for the vital ingredient, long preparation times, perhaps a glass of wine and a chat whilst preparing the mise en place. Most importantly a whole lot of love goes into the making of the meal. With this, I consulted one of my best mates' Cordell Khoury, who also happens to be my partner in the kitchen at Termini. He suggested we make a day of it at his family's beach house. We packed up the car and hit the coast for an extensive cook'n'chat session. And this was the result. Three dishes, six hours of preparation, eating, drinking, going off, all peppered with a heap of fun. Enjoy."

Risotto Milanese

This risotto is the signature risotto of Milan (hence the name). The main ingredient is saffron which belongs to the lily family and grows only to about 15cm high. True saffron, has purple flowers. The first reference to saffron cultivation dates back to 2300 BC. Its origins are most probably Greece or Asia Minor where forms of the spice are known in the wild state.

What you need
(serves four)

350g of vialone nano rice
15g of onion
900g of stock
50g of white wine
1g of saffron
80g of butter
50g of parmesan cheese
Salt and pepper

What to do
In a large and low casserole pot, saute the onion in a little butter. When the onion starts to become transparent, add the rice, stirring constantly, until it too starts to become transparent. At this stage moisten with the sauvignon and boiling stock until the rice is covered. When necessary add some stock. After around 10 minutes (when the rice is al dente) remove the pot from the heat and stir in the parmesan, butter and season to taste. At this stage I always put a lid on the pot, which causes the rice to swell up with the steam trapped inside the pot. Serve immediately.

If you really want to get authentic, ask your butcher for some bone marrow. About 10 minutes before the rice is ready place the marrow on a metal tray and into the oven, where it'll turn brown. At this stage the marrow should pop out from the bone. Now just place the marrow on top of the finished risotto and serve.

Pork Shoulder, Porcini and Lemon Farce with Chateau Potatoes

This is a mish-mash of different dishes I've learnt in my different cooking experiences. The pork is a variation of a dish I once made in London at the River Cafe, the potatoes I learnt at school during my training and the sauce is the result of the whole dish. It's a classic roast -- Sunday lunch style.

What you need
(serves four)

1kg of pork shoulder
20 slices of copa (or prosciutto)
250g of dried porcini (fresh if available, but then you will need closer to 400g)
1 lemon
1 bunch of thyme
100g of prosciutto fat
2 cloves of garlic
2 medium potatoes

What to do
Place the dried porcini in a bowl covered with warm water. With a sharp knife, butterfly the shoulder of pork. Dice the whole lemon and prosciutto fat into small pieces and blitz along with 150g of the porcini. This should give you a creamy consistency. Using a palette knife smear this farce or stuffing over one side of the pork. Season well.

Lay out your copa (or prosciutto) in a large adjoining square and place the filled pork in the centre. Roll the pork in the copa so that it's totally encased. With some butcher's string truss the wrapped pork so that the copa doesn't fall off during cooking. Seal the encased pork in a frying pan with a little oil and then place on a baking tray covered with foil and cook in a pre-heated oven on 200 degrees celsius for around 40 minutes.

Meanwhile peel and slice each potato lengthways into four pieces. With a small knife turn each potato so it has seven sides and looks like a barrel. Place in a small pot with cold water and bring to the boil. Test if they're cooked by sticking a small knife in them and once they are, brown the potatoes in frying pan with a little butter. When the pork is ready, remove the string and slice about one centimetre thick. Serve immediately with the potatoes, the excess porcini and a little of the porcini juice.

Bread and Butter Pudding

Never underestimate the old bread and butter pudding. This dish is a regular at Termini, although Cordell always replaces the bread with croissant. It's addictive, simple and the perfect way to really bloat yourself after a huge meal.

What you need
(serves four)

2 croissants
2 T of sultanas
Strawberry jam
Creme anglaise
50g of butter and extra for greasing the moulds

What to do
Gently break the croissant in half and spread it with butter and strawberry jam. Butter a couple of souffle moulds and break the croissant into pieces that will fit into the moulds. Layer a piece of croissant with a sprinkling of sultanas. Repeat this process until the moulds are full. Finally, pour the creme anglaise over the top. Place the filled moulds on to a baking tray and into the oven at 200 degrees celsius until the tops are browned. Run a small knife around the outside of the moulds to remove the puddings. Serve in a bowl with more warm creme anglaise, or my favourite, vanilla ice-cream.

For a dose of Toby in the kitchen, book yourself a seat at Termini in Fitzroy Street in St Kilda, 03-9537-3465.